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Added to “Love & Marriage”
on Phil’s 99th birthday, November 23, 2020
Here are attributes Phil Roets considered essential to a fulfilling marriage
- Marriage is a “work in progress” – growing and adjusting as needed.
- Establish patterns of non-verbal communications: a look, touch, eye contact.
- Develop phrases to open discussion on a difficult topic: Examples:
I hate to bring this up but it’s bothering me.
At the risk of alienating you further, I need to ask/say….
When you’re ready to discuss (topic) let me know. We need to talk.
Sorry. I only meant to…..
Are you silent because you are sad? Angry? Confused? What?
- Verbal phrases used with sincerity:
I'm sorry.
Please.
I need help.
Thank you for….. (help, listening, patience, suggestions…..)
When you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen.
I'm withholding judgment and ask you to return the favor..
We both did our best, and it didn't work. Now what do we do?
- Routines and Division of Labor are important even though both can do the job.
- Marriage is sharing but not a “50-50” proposition. Give and take as needed.
- Role models in life and media provide examples of good/bad marriages.
- Essential qualities needed at all time: respect, trust, dependability.
- You are not perfect nor is your partner. Be honest about this.
- Love completes us.
Please, write to your spouse: card, letter, notes – something to read and touch after your spouse dies. Death is built into the cycles of life.
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